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one (demos)

by Dylan Murawski

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1.
the water. it was calm and quiet then. we walked about, the air around so still. now years have passed. i’ve not returned again. these memories aren’t easy ones to kill. this started in my head, a simple dream, a wooded house, a single broken kiss. i couldn’t know how far the fall would be, determined every shot would always miss. i want to change the things i always do, step forward, see the path i need to take, but frankly, i don’t have the knowledge to, to learn and grow from all of my mistakes. i never learned the proper way to grieve so tell me you’re a thing i can achieve.
2.
we used to take walks around town, on days when our homes felt too close and our arms too thin to carry the pressure they forced onto us. i never wanted your shoulders to fold under the consequence of the home you inherited, so i tried lifting them alone. some days i wish i knew how to thrust them into a hole somewhere. some days all i want is substance, one more chance to prove that i am stronger than i look. is this still your number, pal? i hope it isn’t. i am stronger than i look. is this still your number, pal?
3.
all alone, i wish i’d known the blue sky, the blue jays soaring by. creatures, small in size, small eyes darting forward, forever forward. ever since you left, days have daintily flown past, steadfast, overcast. get me out of this house. i don’t belong here. in the morning, i used to journal everything i felt, kindly carving words of love and hope. now i mumble and mope. now i see but i don’t. overhead, clouds shift and part. a fresh start? quiet now, i hear the sound. i hear the blue jays, the sun’s rays. sun for days. until the greys of the sky vibrate back into view, why not just sit here exuberant yet still. darting forward, yet
4.
it was calm and quiet then, and we talked about everything from prom night to graduation. i think about that day so often. do you think that i looked happy, gazing at the ground, speaking of the sky? i tried so hard to not come off too sappy. i wasted high school wearing a disguise. i always had to look stronger than i was, feel less than i felt, but i felt so much. i don’t want to be the one that you had chosen. if you took my hand, i still wouldn’t feel right. just teach me how to no longer be broken the second someone walks into my life.

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released May 17, 2021

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Dylan Murawski Buffalo, New York

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